Mazoku calling!
by Puddin Hime
Summary: Xelloss needs to make a few bucks.. oh god U.U;


Authors note: Hihi! This is muh second attempt at writing a funny slayers story! You will never read muh first attempt, cause I didn't like it, and erased it! This one I *hope* you think is funny! Of course they act OOC lots, and well…. that's about all! Hope ya like! Thanx!  
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Masoku Calling!  
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Lina leaned back in her chair, and yawned.   
"Today is going to be a boring day.. I can tell." Lina said, glancing at the others. Zelgadis nodded, as Gourry snored loudly. Amelia looked out the window, and sighed happily.   
"Its such a peaceful day." She said, smiling to her self. Lina groaned, and finished eating the rest of her apple. Suddenly Xelloss appeared, smiling happily.   
"Hello my friends!" He said, smiling, "Good morning!" Lina stood up, and clapped her hands together.  
"Xelloss!" She cried, "Just the guy I was looking for! Do you know anything we could do today?" Xelloss smiled mischievously.  
"I DO know something we could do.." He said, grinning. Lina looked at him confused, then it finally dawned on her. Lina blushed, and thwaped Xelloss on the head.  
"NOT THAT!" She cried, "Ecchi.." Zelgadis glared at Xelloss from his chair. Xelloss rubbed his head and smiled innocently.   
"Acctually.." Xelloss started, "Lord Beast Master has been complaining about how the masoku race has been broke lately, and wants me to find a way to make some money." Lina went back to sitting at the table with Amelia, and Xelloss sat by her.   
"Do you have any ideas yet Mr. Xelloss?" Amelia asked. Xelloss thought for a minute.  
"Well, I do have some ideas." Xelloss said. "I was thinking about getting a pimp and.." Lina about fell out of her chair.  
"Are you saying your going to become a prostitute?" Lina demanded. Xelloss nodded his head.  
"Why, are you interested?" Xelloss asked, grinning from ear to ear. Lina thawped him again.   
"Don't count on it!" She shouted, "I hope you have some better ideas!" Amelia blinked all confused like.  
"What's a prostitute?" Amelia asked.   
"Well.." Xelloss began, as Lina slapped a hand over his mouth.   
"Its nothing Amelia!" Lina said nervously, a sweat drop appearing on her head. Amelia blinked.   
"I had another idea too.." Xelloss said, moving Lina's hand away from his mouth, "Have you ever heard of.. A naughty girls party?" Lina turned bright red, and stood up, once again thawping Xelloss.   
"WHAT?! What the hell are you thinking about today?!" Lina screamed. Xelloss smiled evilly.  
"What's wrong Lina? Afraid you'd find something you like?" Xelloss said, falling over laughing. Lina turned about four more shades of red.  
"THAT'S IT!" Lina declared, as she put Xelloss in a head lock. Amelia looked at them, confused again.  
"What's a naughty girls party?" She asked. Lina put her hand over Xelloss's mouth before he could try to speak.  
"It's NOTHING!" Lina shouted, thwaping Xelloss mercilessly. Lina eventually let him go, and went back to her seat.   
"I don't think I want to hear any more of your ideas!" Lina yelled at Xelloss. Xelloss rubbed his sore head, and went back to his seat.   
"Well, those were actually the only ideas I had." Xelloss said, laughing. Behind them, Gourry woke up.  
"Man am I hungry." He groaned. Xelloss thought for a moment.  
"I know!" He said, standing up, "I'll invent a new food product!" Lina groaned, and looked over at him.  
"I remember your cooking, no one will pay to die of food poisoning." Lina said, laughing. Xelloss turned and glared at Lina.  
"You will see!" He said, disappearing.   
  
Hours passed, as the group did.. Absolutely nothing. Finally Xelloss reappeared.  
"I'm back!" He declared happily, holding up a bag, "And I have my new food product.!" Lina felt her stomach grumble, and ran over to Xelloss.   
"What is it? Is it good?! I'm STARVING!" Lina said, pouncing Xelloss. Xelloss triumphantly held up a bag of potato chips.  
"Masoku brand potato chips?" Amelia read. Zelgadis rolled his eyes. Xelloss pulled Lina pulled Lina to the table, and sat down him self. Lina sat, and looked at the bag of chips.  
"II have to do product research!" Xelloss said happily, opening the bag, and offering some to Lina, "Bet ya can't eat just one!"  
Every one except Xelloss fell over. Lina looked from the bag, to Xellos, and back at the bag.   
"Am I going to die if I eat these?" She asked. A sweat drop appeared on Xelloss's head.  
"I don't think so.." He said, "Try um! I bet ya can't eat just one!"   
"Yeah yeah.." Lina said, taking a chip, and eating it. Xelloss watched with anticipation. Lina and Xelloss just stared at each other for a long moment. After about an hour, Xelloss stood up.  
"WHY DID YOU ONLY EAT ONE?! I said I bet you can't eat just one, and I thought of all people, YOU would eat more then just one!" Xelloss said, stomping around. Lina rubbed her temples.  
"Xelloss, They are green and gross looking, or they are burnt…" She said. Xelloss blinked at her.  
"..What's your point?" he asked finally. Lina sighed.  
"Try Gourry." Lina said, gesturing to Gourry, and getting up to wash the taste out of her mouth. Xelloss ran over, and grabbed Gourry, and drug him over to the table.   
"Idiot.." Zelgadis mumbled. Xelloss sat across the table from Gourry, and offered him the bag.  
"Bet ya can't eat just one!" He said cheerfully. Gourry took a chip and munched it.   
"These are disgusting!" Gourry stated. Xelloss groaned.  
"Lord Beast Master is going to be upset with me." Xelloss said, looking up to see Gourry shovel the chips in his mouth by the handful. Lina gawked at Gourry.  
"I thought you said they were disgusting!" Lina cried! Gourry shrugged his shoulders.  
"I've had worse." He said, eating more. Amelia screamed.  
"Mr. Gourry! You're turning GREEN!" She shouted. Sure enough, the potato chips were turning his skin green.  
"Hey!" Xelloss yelled, "You can't be sure it was the chips!" Lina thwaped him again.  
"UH, YEAH! We can!" She said. Xelloss grumbled, and grabbed the bag of chips.  
"If you don't appreciate them, then I'll leave!" He said, as he disappeared.   
"Good riddance." Zelgadis said.   
"HEY! I was eating those!" Gourry whined. Everyone fell over. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.   
"Who's there?" Amelia shouted to the door.   
"Masoku calling!" Came the voice. Sweat drops appeared on every ones heads. Zelgadis got up and answered the door. At the door was Xelloss, in a lovely pink dress. Xelloss smiled sweetly.   
"Lina, its for you." Zelgadis said dryly, going back to his seat. Lina went to the door, and nearly fell over at the sight of Xelloss. Lina struggled to think of something to say, but instead burst out laughing. After finally controlling her laughter, She got up.  
"………………….Why?" She finally asked, stifling a laugh. Xelloss happily held up a large pink box.  
"I'm selling make up silly!" He said, grinning, "Now who wants a make over!" Xelloss pushed his way past Lina, into the room. Amelia stood up, as her eyes got all shiny.   
"I DO!" She cried. Lina shrugged her shoulders.  
"I guess I will too." She said, reluctantly. Xelloss looked over at Zelgadis, and Gourry.  
"How about you Zelly? It would do wonders for your skin!" He said, laughing. Zelgadis glared, and ignored Xelloss.   
"What about you Gourry?" Xelloss asked. Gourry scratched his head.  
"Umm.. Isn't make up for girls?" He asked.  
"Not necessarily." Xelloss said, winking. Gourry laughed nervously.  
"I think I'll pass." Gourry said. Xelloss shrugged, and started to unpacked his pink box onto the table. Lina and Amelia sat down, and watched as he unpacked. After he unpacked everything, he held up a large green bottle, and smiled.  
"This is Masoku's special foaming face wash! It cleans your face, and leaves it soft!" He said, dispensing some into Amelia's hand. Amelia looked at it for a moment, then began to work it into her face.   
"It works wonders!" Xelloss said, about to dispense some into Lina's hand. Amelia suddenly started screaming.  
"AHHHH!!! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" She cried, running into the bath room.   
"That just means its working!" Xelloss yelled after her, as he dispensed some into Lina's hand. Lina quickly pulled her hand away, and it ended up on Xelloss's dress.   
"HEY!" Xelloss cried, "I just bought this!"   
"If you think I'm going to put THAT junk on my face, you're even CRAZIER then I thought!" Lina screamed. Xelloss looked at her nervously, and put the bottle away, pulling a new bottle out.   
"Well, if you don't like the face wash, maybe you'll like the make up!" He said, holding up the bottle. Lina grabbed the bottle.  
"Lemme see that!" she said, reading the bottle, "I'm not using this!" Xelloss looked at her.  
"But why?" Lina shoved the bottle in his face, and pointed to the writing.  
"IT'S TESTED ON ANIMALS!" She yelled. Xelloss fell over. Xelloss grumbled, and shoved the stuff all back into the big pink box, disappeared. Everyone turned as Amelia's screams echoed from the bath room.   
  
After some more fun hours of doing nothing, Xelloss appeared again. He held up a large box that said 'Chocolate' on it. Lina saw the magic word, and pounced on him.  
"Is that really chocolate?!" She demanded, drooling. Xelloss smiled.  
"It sure is!" He said, handing out a sample to everyone, "Try it! Its good!" Everyone but Gourry looked at the chocolate reluctantly. After Gourry popped it into his mouth, every one watch for his reaction.  
"WOW! That's good!" He cried! Everyone immediately ate their piece, and nodded in agreement. Lina ran over to Xelloss to buy some, but was cut off by Zelgadis. Zelgadis handed Xelloss a handful of money.  
"Give me the rest of the box." He demanded. Xelloss handed over the box, and Zelgadis dashed into his room. Every one looked after him, and sweat drops appeared on their heads. Lina turned back to Xelloss.  
"Do ya got any more?!" She demanded. Xelloss shook his head no, and gestured to where Zelgadis had run off to.  
"That was the only box I had." He said. Lina fell to the floor and whined.  
"THIS ISN'T FAIR!" She cried, "I'm so hungry, and Zelgadis took all the chocolate!" Lina got up, fire in her eyes.  
"I'm gonna go get some of that chocolate!" She screamed, stomping off to his room. Everyone followed her, and gawked at Zelgadis when they opened the door. Zelgadis lay on the floor, among all the empty candy wrappers, with chocolate smeared on his face.   
"More…Chocolate.." He groaned.   
"He ate all the chocolate?!" Lina cried. Amelia looked down at Zelgadis.  
"…Mr. Zelgadis?" She asked, worriedly. Zelgadis groaned more.  
"I need more chocolate!" He demanded. Everyone turned, and looked at Xelloss. Xelloss laughed nervously.  
"I guess I should be leaving, bye now!" He said, as he disappeared.   
"NOOOO!" Zelgadis cried, "CHOCOLATE!" Zelgadis whimpered. Lina sighed.   
"I'm going to bed.." She said, as she walked off.   
  
And that is the sad story of Xelloss, and his money making schemes. What happened to everyone you may ask? Lets start with Gourry. After seeing many specialists about his green skin, he was pronounced clinically stupid. He is.. Prolly off eating some where.   
Amelia went to the doctor, and got medication for the third degree burns on her face. I hear she is recovering nicely.  
Zelgadis now attends weekly meetings of C.A.((Chocoholics Anonymous)). I hear he is on the tenth step, almost completely recovered.   
Lina? Did any thing really happen to her? She's.. prolly where ever Gourry is eating.   
And lastly, for Xelloss. Since he did not make nearly enough money, Zelas, Lord Beast Master, decided to just go back to renting Xelloss out to other masoku's. And that's the whole story!  
  
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Thanx for reading! Please review!  
  
  



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